Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Guest post by Author Jess Hunter
Today at Laci's Place, I have JESS HUNTER – Author of FOR A HERO who apparently has met the girl of his dreams!
This is an open letter to the girl who is his inspiration……..
"I hope you're happy."
You’re probably not going to read this, but I need to get it out. You’ve done something for me that I haven’t had in a long time. I feel inspired. You’ve made a manly, stoic, serious man like me feel feelings, and now I sit at a computer letting emotion-filled words spill out of my heart.
I met you online a few weeks ago. You caught my eye and I didn’t know what to expect when I arranged our first meeting. Coldly, I even kind of saw nothing happening in the beginning. I certainly wasn’t expecting what happened when I saw you for the first time. You’ve made for yourself a home in my thoughts. I’ve expressed a concern to my closest friends about you and the little sickness you’ve given me. Guys who play the game and peek behind the curtain of social dynamics call this sickness “one-itis” and it is feared across the world. It’s the dreadful, deathly end of a bachelor, either from marriage or heartbreak. Either way, it’s not good.
I pulled my best friend aside and we had a chat. He is also, unfortunately, succumbing to a similar ailment. We keep trying to coach each other back into reason and ration and rhyme and right and rule but we both announce our awareness of our sad states and then knowingly sink back into them. What’s wrong with us?
He has a little crush. He, like me, plays the game and wants to experience as many relationships as he can. He found someone at a party and has since been exhibiting very un-manly like behavior towards her. He texts her a lot. He asks her friends about her feelings toward him. He even performed the unforgivable “white knight” on her. Hopefully she was too drunk to remember really well…
I gave him this advice. “Easy, Bro. Your perception of her will color your behavior and direct the relationship. You have to detach from her emotionally and escalate things physically. She is like a cat. Your disinterest and authority will bring her closer to you.”
He nods. He knows I’m right. But before we can part, he directs the advice back to me. He knows also that I am doing the same stupid bullshit that he is. I respond. “No, Dude. This one is different.”
“Shit. I don’t know.”
But I do know. I just didn’t want to sound like a sissy to my friend.
After he left, I don’t know what he said to her. But judging by the way his messages to me have been filled with little emoticons, I have to assume that he has not followed my advice. That is a problem, because lives are made best when built around systems of rationality, causation and responsibility. The most unforgivable action is unreasonable behavior and I have stopped many relationships very early to avoid someone who may act unreasonably around me.
My brother (adopted) once said something very wise to me that I fought externally but felt the depth of truth behind. He said, “Jess, when you find THAT girl, you will think differently. You won’t care about your reasons or your contingencies or your plans. You will look back and find that you are behaving just as unreasonably as she is, and then you’ll know.”
Dammit, Woman. Today, I behaved stupidly unreasonable. And it’s all your fault. I don’t know how you did it. It was somewhere in your smile, hidden behind your character, flowing from your heart, and shapelier than those million dollar legs. Even though I see it, I can’t say it. It is an unknowable, intangible thing in you.
Maybe it’s your goodness. You are a much better person than me, or Sable for that matter. You have principles and ethics and passions that most people only pretend to have. Maybe it’s your purity. You are secluded from the world by your goodness and your brilliance and the world hasn’t gotten to know you yet. Maybe it’s your mind, your wonderful brain that can see truths and yet, magically adhere to ethereal standards. Are you for real? I’m going to be red-hot if you are pretending.
Regardless, you pissed me off today. You did something that, had you been ANY OTHER WOMAN, would have made me immediately cut you out of my life to prevent the pain that you would cause me. But I couldn’t. When you gave me your reason, (as women are wont to do, rationalization and all that) despite all the red flags going off in my head, I believed you. I trusted you. I had faith in you. And now, I wait. Our deadline ticks away, and I am at the mercy of fate, or destiny, or you, or God or whomever is going to decide how this maelstrom ends.
You pissed me off today, and I didn’t care. You made me want to fight for you. I am so mad at you, but when you text me, my face lights up like Christmas.
I needed to get this off my chest. I needed to express this unfamiliar feeling I am having. Maybe this is lust, maybe it is infatuation, maybe it is respect, maybe it is fury, maybe it is early onset Alzheimer’s disease.
All I know for sure is that I am trusting you. I am going out on a limb for you. My heart is in your hands, and when that moment comes, if it happens how my little Disney-taught prince mind wants it to happen, it will all have been worth it.
But dammit, Woman.
Anyway, I do need to thank you. You’ve got my mind on romance. You are showing me feelings that I have been trying to write in books for a while now. I need this. I need to want to express emotion like this. I need to want to write about falling in love and how incredible and unreasonable and stupid it is.
Because of you, you little brat, I will be writing words from the heart this week. I hope you’re happy.
I’ll See you Saturday
And the buylink: Amazon
David’s hands held on to her as if he’d never let her go. He created an unbreakable bond between them. So perfect was his connection to her that their breaths escaped simultaneously.
They slept for a while, content to just be in each other’s arms.
Slowly, Jenna awoke, looking up and around. There she lay, in his fortress, where only his most trusted and loved ones enter.
It was December 23rd. Even though Santa hadn’t left yet, this was the best present she could have asked for.
“This isn’t the most perfect time, but I am feeling it right now. If I don’t let it out and tell you, I am going to burst.” David sat up; the radical change in body position mirrored his tone in magnitude.
Jenna rose to meet him in response. “What is it?”
“You have shown me that I don’t have to keep my walls up. You have shown me that I don’t need to keep searching for something else. If my mom and dad were alive, I am positive they would love you. They would be so proud of me if I brought you home.”
David’s voice caught a bit. Jenna’s eyes misted. “Thank you, David.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He looked at her with sincere, hooded, fervent eyes. He took her hands in his and held them tightly against his chest, like he needed them there to breathe. “I want to marry you.”
Jenna gasped. The air stopped coming in and she didn’t even realize it. This was it. It could be the happiest day of her life, or the day she walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to her. Either way, the dreaded choice, that hung over her head like a macabre guillotine, had finally reached her waiting neck.
Jenna looked at him. She couldn’t deny it any longer. She loved him. With every piece of her heart, she loved him. They could work out the rest, right? She could talk to him about his job and his life; she could ensure that things would work out. She could be selfish just this once.
She opened her mouth, she was mostly sure that a strong ‘yes’ would come assertively out. However, David continued before she could say it.
“Say yes, and I will resign as the Fire Chief first thing. We can get a home together. We can start a farm in south Austin. We’ll have kids and raise corgi puppies together. It will be magical.”
Damn! He had to go and do it. He had to. Life can be a cruel bitch. The ‘yes’ came out, not as a word, but as a pathetic croak. Jenna shut her mouth, terrified of what to say. She couldn’t take him away from the city, away from his calling. Even if he hadn’t strolled into her life, and filled her heart with love and desire, she would still have understood how important and wonderful he was, just like the rest of Austin did.
But did she have the strength to say no? Could she deny herself the one thing she wanted most in the whole world?
Her hesitation was more obvious than she hoped it would be. David could see her trepidation written all over her beautiful face. Fear and dismay clutched his heart, squeezing it like a vise, and with an other-worldly effort, he pushed the panic aside and showed her none of it. His voice was as placid as a frozen river. “Don’t answer.” He couldn’t bear to hear anything but yes, he wasn’t ready. Damn him for not preparing for it. “Take your time to think about it.”
David got out of bed. He tried not to pace. He just stood and looked into nothing. After a moment, he spoke again. “I want you to be sure. It’s a big choice, so please think carefully.”
The clock was ticking on his resolve. Weakness could rupture at any moment. He had to get away. He started to put his clothes on quickly. “If you say yes, I will take you to get the ring tomorrow. If not, we will decide what to do after.” He went to the door and opened it before she had a chance to say anything. “Make yourself at home here. Unfortunately, I have to go to the Fire Hall for some business. I lo-” he stopped himself, closing his eyes in pain, he said one simple word. “Bye.”
He was gone. Jenna lay in bed, still ravished from their love-making, alone and terrified. What had she done? She curled up in a fetal position and wept.
David had to get away. Had he stayed just a few moments longer, he would have embraced her and let this tsunami of emotion out that had been building for weeks. He decided to pour himself into his work for the evening. He must find whoever was behind this terrible game he was being forced to play.
He rushed to the Hall. With all the tricks he knew, he focused on the task at hand. He put everything aside. Blaine’s call at his mother’s was concerned but not informative. His friend took the news that Hank had handed him the envelope with a salty distrust. Although David defended him to a fault, Blaine’s final words hit him hard.
David sat behind the desk, in complete darkness. The lights of the city sliced through the room, tearing into the slits of the window blinds. He watched out, indeed. He watched out for himself. He watched out for his mother and for Jenna. They were as safe as he could make them. Blaine said ‘watch out’ as if David wouldn’t think to do that.
His heart pumped focus and presence into his mind. Would Jenna even want to be his to protect? Nobody knew where David’s loft was; they had never seen it or been in. Jenna was safe there, as long as she stayed.
No, David. Don’t think about the proposal. Focus. Solve the riddle.
He watched out.
The thought lingered. He wondered who out there could be watching out for him.
Jenna closed her eyes. Then she opened them. No. He was still gone. This wasn’t a horrible dream. It was a depressing, horrifying reality.
What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she say yes? Oh yeah. Because he would be quitting his job and leaving the city in need, for her. Her mind reeled.
She fell down to the bed and buried her face in his firm, luxurious pillow. It offered next to no comfort to her. She began to cry.
Jenna realized she needed to talk to someone, if only she knew of a person who would listen and help her. She grabbed her phone and filtered through the contacts.
Not Maggie, she was in Dallas. Not Miranda, she wouldn’t understand. Not Ben, that’s a joke.
Then she found someone. The presence of her name in her phone number log was a refreshing reminder. David’s mom. She had given her comfort once before. She knew David better than anyone.
Jenna’s sniffles raised a hopeful pitch. She dressed quickly, got on the bus, and made the call.
Answers didn’t come to him in the night, only more questions, more worries, more fears. Some of David’s resolve began to grow again; his solitude healed his spirit, he began to recuperate slowly. The tension in his back was incredible; his flexed lumbar muscles pushed the back of the chair to an unnatural angle. He made fists with his hands and squeezed. He tunneled his thoughts, he focused his mind. David detached and hardened himself. He was ready. He finally felt it. He was ready for whatever it was. Bring it on.
As if his thoughts summoned it, the phone started to ring.
Blaine answered. “I figured you’d be up. You sound worried.”
“Have you found anything?”
“Yes, but your worry sounds heavier than just anticipation. What happened?”
Blaine’s perceptiveness never ceased to amaze him. “I don’t know if I am more nervous about what you discovered or Jenna. I proposed to her tonight, she didn’t have an answer right away, so I gave her some time to think about it.”
Blaine responded with his normal amount of supportive sarcasm. “What? You just met her a week and a half ago. What do you think this is a Sable Hunter novel?”
Where to find Jess online:
Thanks for stopping by Jess, it was great to have you! Hope you come by again, and have fun Saturday ;)